Where Did Your Lady Balls Go?– South Asian Cultural Conditioning vs. Hindu Faith
Every day, I see stories of South Asian women battling patriarchy—pressured by timelines, judged for not being married or having children, and policed by aunties and uncles with outdated expectations.
The constant push to go to an Ivy League school, land a top career, and have 2.5 kids before 30 is exhausting.
As a Hindu Indian American woman, I’ve experienced this differently than those raised in India—but the cultural conditioning and generational trauma still run deep. I understand where it comes from, but it’s time for real, meaningful change.
It's time we asked: where did our courage go?
Where did our divine feminine strength—our lady balls—disappear to?
Faith vs. Cultural Conditioning
I use the phrase "lady balls" because divinity exists in all of us. Society often says "Where did your balls go?"—equating strength with masculinity.
But strength is a feminine principle, too.
Hinduism teaches "Ekam Sat"—All is One. When we greet someone with "Namaste," we bow to the divine in them.
Hinduism is the only major world faith that sees the Divine as the feminine (though many indigenous practices do as well)—honoring goddesses like Parvati, Durga, Lakshmi, and Saraswati—the feminine embodiment of love, power, wealth, and wisdom — while ultimately believing in one formless, genderless Supreme, like the Abrahamic faiths.
As the daughter of a Hindu temple builder—who helped construct three major temples in the U.S., including the first in Queens, NYC (Flushing Ganesha Temple)—I was raised amid the beauty of Hindu worship, music, dance, and rituals.
But I also witnessed how “South Asian / Indian culture” and “Cultural Conditioning” can limit young women.
This inspired me to become a Hindu Chaplain and found NYU’s Hindu Center, to break that cycle and empower women through faith and education.
Marriage Pressure vs. Dharma
Growing up, I never quite understood the pressure-packed version of “South Asian / Indian culture” pushed onto young women—marrying by a certain age, equating financial security with finding a wealthy husband, becoming a mother to be considered complete.
None of this reflects the beauty and depth of the Hindu faith I was raised with. It’s “culture”—not Hinduism—that obsesses over marriage timelines.
In fact, none of our deities had arranged marriages.
In Hinduism, the divine is not just male—it’s profoundly feminine. Goddess Lakshmi is the deity of wealth and abundance.
Saraswati, goddess of knowledge, music, and the arts, chose not to marry, yet she supports all who seek wisdom—she even served as bridesmaid to Goddess Rati at her wedding to Kamadeva. Rati is much older than Kamadeva.
Meenakshi, a warrior queen and form of Parvati, traveled from South India to Kailash and won Lord Shiva’s heart— Parvati literally conquered Shiva. not through submission, but through strength and confidence.
Lakshmi rose from the ocean of knowledge and chose Vishnu as her partner, reincarnating with him across time.
These goddesses are never passive—they are powerful, independent, and in full control of their paths.
Our stories are filled with empowered women making their own choices.
So why are modern South Asian women told they’re incomplete without a husband? Or a child?
Speak Up, Clean Up
I’ve always volunteered at temples—I'm an expert garland maker and often invited to help at various places of worship. One thing I’ve consistently noticed is how some men, from backgrounds (coming from India, not American), make a mess during rituals and expect women to quietly clean up after them—and they usually do, without question.
If someone makes a mess, they should clean it up. Of course, help if needed—but it shouldn’t be expected or demanded.
My father was a trained Hindu priest, and yes, pujas can get messy. But he always laid down a sheet, conducted the rituals, and cleaned up everything himself—never expecting someone else, especially a woman, to serve him.
So why do so many women still bow to this imbalance? It’s time we shift these outdated expectations and reclaim the dignity and equality our faith truly honors.
I often find myself asking: Where did your lady balls go?
Wake Up, Don’t Wait, “Golden Boys”
I was at the temple recently, sharing an English prayer sheet with a guy I call Golden Boy and there were two girls in front of us.
We’ve known each other since our teens but reconnected as adults. He’s in finance, enjoys happy hour, and like me, can speak Indian languages and we are both trained in Sanskrit, but can not read it so we use English (most Hindu prayers are in Sanskrit)
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a drink. Hinduism doesn’t forbid alcohol—it cautions against becoming a slave to vices.
But here’s the double standard: South Asian men can talk openly about drinking, while South Asian women are shamed for even sipping a glass of wine.
Where in our scriptures is that written?
Golden Boy volunteers at the temple and is universally adored, yet I’ve never seen him clean up after a ritual. Meanwhile, his older sister and another young woman—both standing in front of us—are constantly running around doing all the work.
His sister is divorced—and I know her entire life story from temple gossip before I even knew her name.
Hinduism doesn’t shame divorce—our scriptures honor powerful women like Queen Draupadi, who had five husbands. In ancient times, multiple husbands ensured family continuity if one died in war.
Divorce and remarriage were never forbidden or shameful.
So where’s the compassion?
The other woman is constantly volunteering, praying to Lord Shiva for a husband and lamenting, “Where are all the men?”
I’m thinking - We’re in NYC! There are dudes everywhere! Ok fine some are gay or married, but still DUDES EVERYWHERE!
I once asked her why she never made a move on Golden Boy—they literally see each other at temple every week. She said, 'He’s younger than me.' I asked, 'By how much?' She replied, 'Six months.' I couldn’t believe it—my last boyfriend was seven years younger!
Golden Boy’s now married to someone he met in India. You snooze, you lose. Not to be harsh, but if you see someone weekly and find them attractive, why not at least ask them out for coffee?
Age ain’t nothing but a number in Hinduism!
Goddess Rati was at least 20–30 years older than Kamadeva—who was reborn as Lord Krishna’s son, Prince Pradyumna.
Raised by Rati in her form as Mayavati, they later recognized each other, fell in love, and got back together.
I’ve never understood why Hindu women are taught to worship Lord Shiva just to get a husband. Sure, he’s the ideal partner—he adores Goddess Parvati, their kids, and together they’re the ultimate divine couple (and even stars of the Kamasutra!).
But Shiva doesn’t exist without Parvati—she’s Shakti, the divine feminine energy. Every Shivratri, temples are packed with desperate girls praying for a man, yet the rest of the year they’re empty.
If you truly have faith in Shiva, wouldn’t you trust he’ll bring the right person at the right time?
I used to feel sorry for them—until I thought, where did your lady balls go?
I’ve also heard way too many comments at temple about how women dress—hair open, too fat, how will she get married, etc. It’s rude, disrespectful, and needs to stop. Respect the space—sure, cover up the girls, no booty shorts—but beyond that, mind your business.
You’re there to connect with the Divine, not police women’s appearances.
Golden Boy is a nice guy, but he has no clue how these two women feel or how they’re treated.
It’s time to break free, push back, and advocate for your own boundaries. Let go of the cultural conditioning.
Ask that guy out. Speak up when someone is gossiping about your body or relationship status.
Faith is not about submission—it’s about empowerment.
Let’s change the narrative. Let’s restore dignity, balance, and the real power of our dharma.
Women, stop worshipping Shiva hoping he’ll send you a man, instead love Lord Shiva with all your heart, nurture your relationship with him the divine.
Have faith he’ll send the right one at the right time—but don’t forget to act. Ask that man out. Live your dharma.
Hinduism celebrates seekers, not sitters.
Beyond Stereotypes, Marriage, Ivy Leagues
Growing up in theTamil Brahmin Community in California, I constantly heard the same script: go to an Ivy League, become a doctor/lawyer/finance pro, and marry within your caste, religion, and culture.
But Hinduism isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s deeply personal, felt in the heart, and varies by language, family, and belief—not checklists. Some value a partner who speaks their native tongue (Tamil, Gujarati, Punjabi—take your pick from 350K South Asian languages!), others don’t care if their partner is even identifies as Hindu or is “religious” —faith, religion, varies dramatically within Hinduism.
Hindu faith embraces diversity: Lord Vishnu (in Srirangam Temple) has a Muslim consort, Thulaka Nachiyar. Lord Shiva’s wife, Parvati, is a royal; he’s a mountain-dwelling loner. Lord Ayyappa has two dads—Shiva and Vishnu. Ardhanarishvara blends masculine and feminine divine energy. Lord Muruga’s great love? A tribal girl named Valli.
Marriage, gender, love—Hinduism never boxed it in. So why do we?
Why are we still conditioned to marry someone from our “exact” background?
And careers? Sure, being a doctor = job security. Someone’s always giving birth or puking.
But if that’s not your calling, why force it? Hindu philosophy clearly states honor your dharma—your soul path.
Be a designer, actor, chef—whatever aligns with your heart. That’s the true way to live.
I remember in my 20s going to South Asian weddings—Hindu, Sikh, Muslim, Jain—and watching aunties point at tables of “eligible” men: all doctors and finance bros.
Girls were told to pick one, often marrying without even dating. Now, years later, so many are divorced or stuck in unhappy marriages
“for the kids.”
I’m left wondering: Where did your lady balls go?
Why not hold out for love, for a real heart connection? Why settle when our faith teaches us that love can look many different ways?
Beyond Stereotypes & Other Faiths
In Islam, the Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) first wife, Khadija (RA), was a successful businesswoman, 10–15 years his senior, and the first to believe in his message. In Christianity, Mother Mary gives birth to Jesus without Joseph.
Across all faiths, strong women lead.
So why are so many South Asian Muslim communities obsessed with marrying girls off young, pushing motherhood over education—when Islam itself honors an older, educated, powerful woman as the first Muslim?
And let’s talk about how the West fixates on the “widows of Vrindavan,” claiming Hinduism marginalizes widows. That practice stems from a specific sect (Hare Krishna) and a slice of North Indian culture.
Not all Hindus believe in excluding widows—or in Sati (the outdated, banned ritual of widow burning). South Indian traditions, for example, NEVER embraced that.
So again, don’t confuse culture with faith.